new leg: frustrations

Things finally came through and I picked up my knew leg Friday. Everything is new on this thing: brand new socket that fits a lot tighter (better) than the old one, cute new foot that's not too big or too wide and a new knee.

Here's a picture of the foot, which is basically the only part of this leg I'm excited about:

If you've ever been shoe shopping with me before, which you probably haven't, you'd know why I'm so happy about this foot. My left foot is a narrow size 6.5 and for the past 15 years that I've had to contend with a rubber right foot that has varied from a very wide size 7 to a very wide 6 (apparently they don't make half sizes in fake feet), none of which has ever wanted to fit nicely or easily into a woman's shoe. I've broken a sweat trying to pry on dress shoes before. But this new foot is as close to perfect as I could imagine. It's like a lady's foot. I don't know if all those other feet were made for men, or if they just had a generic gender neutral prosthetic foot up until now. But, here it is, a just right foot. No more sweating over shoes.

The socket fits a lot tighter than my old one, but that's because that's how it's supposed to fit and my old one is now slightly too big because I lost a little weight since I got this set up four years ago. It happens. 

I was at my leg place for about three hours Friday because I forgot how horrible the whole process can be. Everything was built and assembled, so we just needed to get the height and alignment correct... which it isn't. I'm not sure if my old leg was just really short and I got used to being short on the right side or if the new one is slightly too long. But the smallest length disparity feels real weird. Right now it feels real weird.

I downgraded from a C-leg to an Ossur Mauch knee (click those links to learn more about fancy prosthetic technology from the respective manufacturers). Ossur is the same company that makes those cool blade legs for running (worn by Olympian Oscar Pistorius) and the Mauch is supposed to be a pretty high end knee that allows the wearer to do cool things (like climb Mt. Kilimanjaro  apparently-- if you watch the video on their website you'll hear how that guy did that with this knee). Really, all I want to do is walk to the grocery story and withstand attack hugs from kids at work. 

When I tried the new knee at the office I was noticing it wasn't quite bending and felt really stiff, they made some adjustments but it didn't really get better. They sent me home with both legs so I could get used to the new one gradually. I still owe them my loaner C-leg back, but after wearing the Mauch around for a little while today I don't think I want to give up my old knee. I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong or the knee is just set up all wrong, but it's only bending about 50% of the time I'm walking and I haven't been able to figure it out. The first step feels fine, the knee swings, it's cool... but I walked all the way to the bank today like a pirate and it was not fun. I just want to walk normal, or as close to normal as I can get. It did not look or feel normal walking around with the new leg today and it was insanely frustrating. Now that I have health insurance I might be able to get on a plan that will cover a new C-leg, but I don't know which plan that is or how many times they'll let me change plans (since my coverage hasn't even officially started yet). There are things I could potentially do with the Mauch that I probably couldn't do with the C-leg (like run, if I suddenly decided to start doing that), but I just got so comfortable with the C-leg and it's so good for just normal walking around things. 

So now I don't know what I'm going to do, and of course next week is a short week with Thanksgiving, so I don't know if I'll be able to get in for adjustments. I do plan on calling the leg guy Monday to let him know what's going on. But seriously, leg stuff is so frustrating.

handicapable

So I've been feeling extra disabled lately on account of my prosthesis is broken. Fortunately I have a friend with connections and was able to find a prosthetics place in the area that is willing to do some pro bono work for poor folk like myself. I went in on Tuesday to get a loaner knee while they send off my old knee to find out what the deal with it is, but I had a stripped screw. So I had to go back today to their other location where the nice technicians were able to take that thing apart. These are things you have to think about when you're me. Stripped screws in your knee. So now I'm all set up with my loaner knee. The technician guy even cleaned up my cover and glued together the ugly slit they had to cut in the back of it when they took the thing apart, so I don't look like robo-Frankenstein.

Problem is, I don't have insurance right now due to the fact that I am not adequately employed. I applied for medical assistance through the county/state, but lord knows how long that'll take to go through. Hopefully they let me keep the loaner until it does. I don't want to go back to my broken leg. 

And I'm going to allow myself to get a little political for a second, because healthcare is a major fucking disaster in this country. Having access to a fully functional prosthesis allows me to be as mobile and productive as any able-bodied person (within reason, obvs). Having to limp around on a broken leg limits my employment options and forces me to be a drain on a system. If my leg is so broken that I can't walk on it, I can't work. This shit is expensive and I need health insurance to cover the cost (and most insurers only cover a percentage of the cost anyway). I'm fortunate to be an intelligent person who knows how to navigate the system and has a strong network of support, but, what I'm trying to say is, no one in this country should go without care that will allow them to live a normal, productive life. Dammit. 

(I don't normally feel "disabled" when my leg is working like it should. I do my thing with a few extra steps in the morning and don't bother to let it slow me down. But, when my leg was broken I was feeling the challenges and thinking about how much harder it would be if I had no prosthesis at all.)

Okay, that's enough for now.